Roy's beep

Monday, September 26, 2011

lot of general stores two

This is a repost i.e. another look, with an analysis of the post, there is a lot here. To start with the title of the post “lot or general stores” what I am referring to here is the information you have stored in your mind. The post is self is about being alone in a strange place or “Fresh off the boat” the FOB label that is stuck on a person that has just arrived in a new country. For the person it's all new and different, they may not speak the same language, they will have an accent. They are not familiar with their surroundings. It is all new and different with no frame of reference.  At home a person has experience with their surrounding they know what to do in most situations. The people around them know they are one of the strangers that see and they can recognize the distress a person is in and help.

Here is the thing, you don’t have to be fresh off the boat or go to another country to experience this, just be a lone with the stress, in a doctor waiting room, in a store you have never been in before, around people you have never seen before at a party.  Or you can go to a theater and watch a horror movie. Some people like to do that, but I am not one of them. It all has to do with fear.  The hard-drive of our mine goes into overdrive to search for a frame of reference to make us feel safe. In the post I wrote about me remembering myself as a three year old. Our postman name was as I said the same as me, his name was Roy also. I was at my grandparent’s home. A time and place I felt safe and was having fun.
Here are two comments to the post. One is from Kriti and one is from Bonnie.

It’s hard to believe that you can familiarize with the feeling of being a FOB! Not just familiarize but live it!!! I am amazed beyond words... how do you know that minute that does not end at 60 secs? How do you know the feeling of being the center but being invisible?? Even though my experiences in the first year in US was not very drastic and as rightly put by you I was my own enemy - I have heard of thousands of stories where that realization never came to people - and they even left, gave up on the country and bid adieu.”

“My stomach is turning. Though the story was intended to be about being an also described my life with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder/MPD) it's exactly what it is like inside of me...:::::::::::::::::::::::: shaking:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; 

Let’s change the fob to Fear of Being or fresh of birth it is something we All have experienced.

The following is another look at an article By Kriti Mukherjee and publish or posted here
It’s a good read and brings light to the dreaded FOBs.
It begins.
How did I get here? Where is this place? Its dark and forbidding a cavernous pit with creeping crawling slithering ghosts, a spider’s trap of cobwebs and shadows parading in review. Has time forgotten or is this now, a fantasies of nightmares and horrible fears. It approaches, I feel its hot breath as it come near, do I scream, and no it will find me. I chock the scream daring not to swallow. It cross over, its sliming slobber drool rolls down my cheek, do I dare breath, or it will  know I am here. Where can I run, if I only had a gun, maybe I could kill it, but there are more?

I see the clock on the wall, the windows and door, the half cup of coffee that has grown cold. I rub my arms, yes I am warm and alive, but how can I be here and there? If I could only hear a sound, a voice, see someone I know. Wait that’s me I was only three, there is a robin in the tree, here comes the postman his name is the same as me, and Trixie grandpa’s dog yapping out a greeting.  I am lost in time a forest of days, moments trapped in the cobwebs of my mine. If I were not alone or someplace back home, would it be there? These ghosts that taunt me and it that thing, that horrible thing it lashes at me leaving surging whelps, stinging cuts, biting gnawing ghosts from the past. If I go outside their there, staring looking at me as if I don’t exist, seeing thru me as if I am not there. Stranger passing by, don’t they know I am not from here or are they avoiding it, or does it have a hold on them?

I heard a sound, it’s the clock, it tick a minute has passed. Where have I been? I was just there for years, but only a minute has passed. I will open the door let in some air, maybe I can escape, will it let me?  The air smells different, it’s not the same, it does not smell of home. Ah maybe some music will quail the beast. The song, it’s my favorite, but something is wrong it does not sound the same, not like I remember.  Eat something, yes, that is it, I will eat some chocolate cake, no I must not.  It will hear and devour me.  What wrong with the clock, it does not move, has time stopped?  No I saw the hand move, I heard it tick.

Enough of this. I am going to face it. Who are you? What do you want from me? I am fear you FOB. I am you the one you call ME- time. I am just here to keep you company. There is nothing to fear but fear it’s self.

Now here are my pick today:

Well I hope you have enjoyed this and please read or visit these blogs.
Thank you and god bless


Kriti said...

That was an awesome read Roy! No wonder I am a follower of your blog ... I tweeted and google +ed your last post and I am doing the same with this one. Hats off to you Mr. Durham : )

Martha J. M. Orlando said...

Excellent, Roy! Love the "fresh of birth" attitude. :)

JIM said...

You are always a pleasure to read and today especially!!! You always come at things from a simple, brave, and understanding attitude

Alpana Jaiswal said...

You are great Roy,that is what makes you so special..Because you come up with the most extra ordinary posts.

Colleen said...

This is indeed an extraordinary post! Probably one of the most original I have read in a long time! I know that "FOB syndrome you speak of, and it is so true that in a new country everything is so unfamiliar that even buying toothpaste can be an ordeal...or a great adventure depending!;)
And Kriti writes so vividly as, am just amazed.

Ravenmyth said...

First Roy thank you for honouring Ravenmyth on your blog..your support is appreciated.

Another great post, but most of all I love your analogy of FOB as seen in every day life. We do it all the time and I am sure not always pointed out that this is a Daily Part of our Lives. Hence...always looking for comfort and safety. The FOB is a big life does mean you have to be in the silence and remove yourself from the external world and have courage to go into your inner world. That is not easy for fact can be down right scary...I love your perspective on the subject and how you present it. You always come from a place that induces thought. Loved it...will be sharing. (Also, interjecting the comments of Kriti and Bonnie was Brilliant...)

sulekkha said...

Excellent choice Roy, you have picked all my favorites :)

Larry Lewis said...

I'm going to be honest, i don't understand why i haven't been on your blog more. I've now read three articles this week and each was really thought unducing to steal your words. Really enjoyed this one.

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