The Traveling Salesman, A Story by Roy Durham;
The other day a while back I was left at the ranch all by
myself, Mouse was up in the high country
rounding up strays , and the Misses had went to town to go to the beauty
parlor to get her hair fixed. It did not
look broke to me but I will be when she gets back and she was going to get it
fixed anyway. It was early and the sun had not top the mountains yet. She drove
off in the old ford ranch wagon. She gave me a list of thing she expected me to
get done around the place while she was in town. That darn list would reach
form here to Denver. Well as soon as she
was out of site I settled in on the front porch with a cup of coffee and a
touch of whiskey in it. The dog was lying at my feet and I set back in the
rocker lit me a smoke and began to contemplate the list, a fellar need to plan
out these things you know.
Thing were going well when the dog raise up on his front
legs and let out with a low growl, the prelude to a loud vocal display that warns of something or someone was coming
up the road. I look up and saw a big van
coming down the drive. It came to a stop and this fellar got out, he was all
duded up real nice, don’t know if he was going to a marring or barring though. He was out that van and up on the porch
before I could get out of the rocker. He hand me a card with all kinds of
writing on it. He said “I’m Hennery, but you can call me Hank. He was here
representing the Acme ranch supplies.” Now; that darn fellar tongue was wagging
faster than the dog’s tail when he is begging for a piece of my bacon at the
breakfast table. Before I could say howdy he was opening a case and said it was
my lucky day his company had authorize him to give me my choice of the brush’s
he had in his case.
He had all kinds of brushes, bottle brushes, scrub brushes,
floor brushes, brushes for your hair and the dog, he even had tooth
brushes. I told I really did not need a
brush, but I could probably use a new bumble bee to groom my horse. He fumbles for a bit and came up with one. He
said “it is yours to keep just for some of my time”. Now; that brush was a little different than
the ones I get down at the feed store. And Calliope was standing tied up at the
end of the porch and I had not curried her yet, so I ask him to show me how
this new fangled brush worked. He jumped right to it and in no time at all he
had her looking like a show horse. I
told him that was great but I had cattle to feed and cows to milk.
He said “that he had a brand new milking machine that was
portable and he would be happy to show me how it worked.” So we moseyed off to the barn, he started in to
milking the cows. He showed me that there was this here button that you push
and it separated out the cream and churned the butter. I told that this was all well and good, but I
had work to get done. I have cattle to
feed, and I have to weed the garden. He
said “let me show you this new power hoe it will weed your garden in no time at
all he was weeding the garden.” he said “how do you like that?” I said that all well and good, but I have
cattle to feed and I have to fix the gate. Well; wouldn’t you know he had a fix
for the gate.
Now; the day is getting on
and I have the cattle to feed. He said
“your barn could use a coat of paint.” I don’t know why it never had any paint
before, but he said he would paint it for free if I would let him put an Acme
sign on it.” Well, this sounded like a
good idea. I ask how long it would take and he said that he would have a crew
here in fifteen minutes and they would be about an hour or so. Well I said ok
and he got on one of them there cell phone and sure enough there was a crew
cleaning and painting all over the barn.
I told him that this was great thing
he was dong for me, but I had cattle to feed and I had to clean the house. What do you know he popped out of that van
with an acme little giant vacuum cleaner with a hundred gadgets to help you
clean and he started in cleaning the whole house. Now I thank him and told I still had a lot of
work to do and I had cattle to feed and gather the eggs. He said let me show you Acme’s new egg basket
with a candle lamp, so he gather up the eggs and feed the chickens. I said the great but I have the cattle to
feed. He said he had a Jim dandy cattle feeder. He pulled it out of that van
and he gave a yank on the starter rope then headed over to the hay stack. That
darn thing picks up four bales of hay and then he headed over to the feed pen
and that thing started to pitch out biscuits of hay. You know them cows will want
gravy on them now.
It was a little
passed two and I had not did a lick of the work I was supposed to do and
standing around watching this fellar show me all these new fangled things was
not getting my chores done. So I told Hank I had to be going up to the high
country to help Mouse bring down the strays. So he would have to be going so I
could get to work. I felt bad that he
had did all the work I was to do so I bought one of those 99 cent three packs
of fly wick traps to hang on the porch. I saddle up Calliope and we headed for
the fishing hole up in the high country, and I guess Hank went over to bob’s
place.
Mouse and I got back to the house just as ma was getting
back from town. She had a lot to say about the state of thing and she had to
scold me for not bring in the wash and that thirty foot high sign “ Supplied by ACME
Ranch supply” on the barn roof.
Thank you and god bless
