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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Lot of Cake

Now some of you may have seen or heard me say” don’t eat the cake it makes you old”. Well the truth is that I don’t eat cake, never have, I just don’t like the taste or texture of it.  I have read some post here lately about how we have lost things and how we could not live or at least be very unhappy with the world if we lost something.

Someone very close to me has lost something. Every minute she losses something else, and there is no putting it back. We can look for it, but if we fine it we cannot put it back.  She is my wife and she has Alzheimer’s, what she has lost are memories. She was going though some things she was given years ago, things that have a special meaning and memories. She would ask me where they came from, or who was in the picture. One of the pictures was of our children when they were eight and five years old, she had to ask if it was a picture of our kids. The greatest loss you can have is to lose your memories, for them to just not exist. As we live we build memories and they form our identity of who we are. How many of you remember Ogg, not many I bet, because he never existed.  That’s a lost memory.  For someone with Alzheimer’s this is their life.

We spend our whole life looking for something that is behind us misplace somewhere in the past. We look for things that are hidden from our view. Sometimes we are so focus on the thing that we don’t see it till it is in the past. There are a lot of thing we look for you cannot put on a shelf or in a storage locker. We start out this life looking, trying to find what life is, who we are, what we mean to the world. We look to be happy, we look to be loved, and too love.

You see no one can make you be or do anything; it’s up to you to do that. If you want to be happy, it’s up to you to be happy, if you want to be loved it’s up to you too love who you are. That is something no one can do for you. No one can think for you, and you cannot think for anyone else. No matter how much you love someone, if they don’t love their self they cannot love you back.  How many of you would take a mean rabid dog into your home to love. It is not capable of returning that love. We can feel sorry for the dog, sorrow is not love. The dog will only be able to give you sorrow.  If we take some into our life that does not love their self, it is like taking that rabid dog in to our home. They will bite the hand that feeds they.

 keep you memories safe and love who you you can love the world. thank you and god bless


Ravenmyth said...

From the heart Roy...I am so sorry to hear of your wife. My partner's Dad had Alzheimer's and the mother of a close friend also has the disease. It is such a loss for all who are connected with this disease that breaks all connections with memory. My heart goes out to you, your wife and your family.

Your metaphor for the disease...comparing it to life is brilliant and reminds us of the important things and what we need to work on for our own wholeness. Thank for this beautiful message of inspiration...

Roy Durham said...

thank you raven god know the answer to the whys of it, it's a hard one to deal with. thank you and god bless

Jan said...

I'm sorry to hear about your wife, it is a horrible disease. Your writing is beautiful and so very true. Thank you Roy.

Nelieta said...

Roy, I am so sorry to hear about your wife. My grandfather had Alzeimers and Parkinsons and it was terrible to see him losing those memories he once held dear. This post touched me deeply. God bless and a hug to your wife.

Roy Durham said...

@ Jan and Nelieta thank you for caring . and god bless

Jessica M said...

Roy, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are going through. My husband and I lived with and took care of his grandmother who had Alzheimer's and Parkinsons and it was very difficult to see her get frightened even at not remembering who people were, and I had hardly known her until she was already well into the disease. It was extremely hard on my husband and those who had been very close to her. Know that I will be praying for you and your wife.
Lots of love and blessings,

JIM said...

Roy so many of us rant about our "big problems" we don't realize what heartache is and what life has in store for us or the ones we love. The biggest heartbreak is seeing someone we love suffer. Your a strong man cowboy, keep yourself strong for your wife and youself!!! I'll keep a good thought for the two of you.


Adnama said...

Thanks for sharing- this is Iceberg blog. I am working on the getting to the positive and gaining ground everyday. Hanging out around some of you people and these blogs are helping. I am moving my blog to my own domain
This is a slow painful process. I have big plans to have a forum for boomers to talk/comment follow other boomers about whatever and possible IM.

Roy Durham said...

thank you all. if it was not for blogging i think i would loose it. some days it real hard to take . but it been said that god does not give us more then we can handle. i pray they are right. thank you and god bless

Debbie said...

*sends a hug* Roy your strength and positive attitude toward it all amazes me.

I sat on my lanai after spending hours removing the furniture and scrubbing it down, feeling like I accomplished a huge task as I relaxed I decided to browse some blogs from my phone. Yours was the first "Lot of Cake" thinking you had eaten a lot of cake I had to read. 2 minutes into your post I was crying like a baby and felt like what I had just done was nothing compared to what you had to do in helping your wife understand who was in the pictures.

It's so true I was sad about a lost (I guess you could say lost love) but I have the memories of the times that him and I spent together.

Your beautiful wife has no choice the memories are just vanishing and like you said you can't put them back. I felt sad while reading this post.

But again your positive attitude and strength and words of wisdom seem to make it a little better.

We are lucky to be a part of your world thanks for sharing with us Roy.

sukanya said...

Roy: Sorry again about your wife. Alzhiemer's is a debilitating condition-its toll much harder on the caregivers than the person who has it. you are right memories are valuable, especially the good ones, they keep us going.

Alpana Jaiswal said...

Take care of yourself and your wife..I can imagine what u are going through..The minute you think you're going to lose something, it suddenly becomes the most important thing in your life.

melissa said...

I visit your page and find a lot of wisdom written in here. You are right about many things...and I take your word because you have experienced it yourself. We do grumble most of the time for the things/persons we have lost...but to lose things/persons from Alzheimer's is very different, we can't rant about those anymore...because we've completely lost them.

I have assisted an elderly patient with Alzheimer's. I'd talk to her everyday and remind her of the day, the date, the time...I studied her family history just so I'd help her reminisce her past.

It's fun being with her and it's tough too.

You are in my prayers Roy. You have so much faith.I loved your post! Thanks for sharing...

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