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Monday, May 7, 2012

lot of payday bill paying

Well payday or bill paying put a hiccup in my time to write and getting online. Here is my latest writing project. It is a work of fiction, a murder mystery if you will.  This is the first draft of the first chapter. Your comments will be of great help in getting this novel moving to the finish line.

Please note this is the rough draft and subject to rewrite.

Jane Doe
Chapter 1

It was a warm, quite evening at Baker Meadows reservoir. The moon was full and bathy the lake and surrounding in its slivery glow. A group of collage coeds were partying around a camp fire on the south shore. Tom the oldest was telling a ghastly tale of murder, claming this was the very spot where it all took place, just as he was positioning himself behind Jill, who was set to be scared out of her wits. A screamed cry for help “Help me he is going to kill me”, bust the moment into a terror, three shots rang the night, a bullet wiz passed Jenny’s head hitting the fire causing it to flare; then they saw the nude body of a young woman fall at the edge of the light of the camp fire, her screams sending the group of six into a panicked fear for their lives. A moment of dismay passed as Tom ran over to the girl’s body and started to take control of the mounting surreal circumstances, giving orders like a drill sergeant “Bob get the first aide kit and a sleeping bag out of the truck”, “Jill call 911.” 

Jill quickly dialed 911. Her cell phone was never out of her hand it was if it was part of her, she texted a lot.
 A voice burst from the phone “911 what is your emergence?”
Jill screaming at the phone “someone is shooting at us, a girl has been shot.”
 The voice on the phone calmly asked “What is your location?”
 Jill replied “we are at the lake  a half mile from the boat ramp, please hurry”, “The police and fire are on the way do not hang up stay on the line till the police get there, Do you know who is shooting at you?”
 “No” Jill still screaming.
 “What is the name of the person who was shot?”
 “I don’t know we have never seen her before.”

Jill was starting to calm down as she joins Tom at the girls side.  She knelt with Tom looking her over finding the girl had been shot in the back just below the left shoulder blade and there was a wound on the left side of her head.

Jill reports “she has been shot in the back and the left side of the head, she is still breathing but uncurious. There is a lot of blood.”  
“Do you have anything to put on the wound? You will need to put pressure on it to stop the bleeding.”
“We have a first aide kit”
“How old is the victim?”
“She is in her twenties. I guess, I don’t know.”
“Is the person still shooting?
“No, we think he left, we heard a car speed off”
“The girl is necked.”
“You will need to cover her with a blanket.”
“I can hear the sirens coming I see the red light”
“Stay on the line till the police talk to you. Help is on the way.”

We need to stop the bleeding and cover her up to prevent shock. Tom felt embarrass to be handling the nude body of the girl, she was a pretty brunette about five foot four, she looked like she could grace the pages of playboy. He was unsure of just what to do for her. Jill on the other hand was a third year nursing student but this was her first hands on experience.  

Jimmy ran to the truck a got out a deer rifle and promptly jacked a round into the chamber. With a flashlight in hand he scanned the night looking for the person who shot at them. He spotted the shadowy figure of a man running to a vehicle and then hearing the door slam shut and the vehicle speeding away.  He tried to get off a shot but he had not taken off the safety.  

Boulder county sheriff Deputy Evans seeing Jimmy standing in the road with the rifle came to a sliding stop open his door and aimed his pistol at Jimmy.  “Put the weapon on the ground and back away.” braked from the PA system of Evans patrol car.  Jimmy just stood there like a deer in the head lights. The deputy repeated his demands for jimmy to put down the weapon.

Thank you for stopping by and god bless 

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